O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
Saint Augustine
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand. Emo Philips
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
This shirt is dry clean only. Which means... it's dirty.
Mitch Hedberg
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house. Zsa Zsa Gabor
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. P. J. O'Rourke
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen
It is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man. H. L. Mencken
It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public. H. L. Mencken
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question? Lily Tomlin
